I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
