Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
