The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize