Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
