woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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