I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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