so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
