Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
