...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
