Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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