I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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