you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
