Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I need to stop coming to work sober
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
