i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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