It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
