Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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