I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
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