Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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