The maid of honor just puked.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
