it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
