Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My vagina just clenched in fear
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