Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize