I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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