He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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