Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
