Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
this is an emotional support booty call
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
