I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
