I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize