another moral hangover. fuck.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
