not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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