I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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