I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
