just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
