now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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