I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
