when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
