In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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