Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just invented taco cereal.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
