honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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