You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
