My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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