Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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