That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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