Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I wish I only lived at night.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize