i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
