dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
