I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
