can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
