saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
