Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
