Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
