He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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