I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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