you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
