i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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