He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
