we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
