Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
