This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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