I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
