Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize