I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
