this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
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