i just wanna soil my oats bro
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
