I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
