pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
