mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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