His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
