; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize