you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We need to get me chipped asap
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
