Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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