just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
