We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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