I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
