He asked to "fluff my boner.."
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
